Sometimes someone says something to you and you are so gobsmacked you don't know what to say. This happened to me the other day when a friend* told me my husband was a heretic. I mean just what can you say to a statement like that? I did ask why, but the answer was vague and not very specific saying they had investigated it thoroughly but had thrown away the evidence as they didn't want to cause a fuss! Even if I hadn't been struck dumb what could I have said anyway. "No he isn't" I mean there just isn't anything that would be adequate.
On the other hand I have said things I wish I hadn't or rather written emails I wish I hadn't. You know the sort of reaction to something that is really bugging you but then after some time you have a different perspective but can't take the email back.
I must admit I take things far too personally. I am overly emotional and although I'm much better than I used to be I still get upset when I know I shouldn't.
There's no use hiding it, I am very unsure of myself, not very confident in fact despite the fact that I know that I am more than capable in most areas of my life, that nagging doubt follows me around like an unwanted dog.
This poses problems when dealing with others who don't know me or don't know me very well. I am a talker and enjoy talking through problems or issues until we reach mutual understanding. I often ask those around me if I suspect there is a problem 'Have I done something to offend you', often it works as an ice breaker in a difficult circumstance but sometimes they look at me as if I've gone mad.
Getting to know people even new members of the family is very difficult when we live so far apart. The time we do spend together is so rushed and intense and often packed into a only a few days that long chats are just not possible.
So what is the answer, to speak or not to speak? I guess that is where wisdom comes in.
My prayer for 2012 is for wisdom, for the insight to know what the person is speaking out of: hurt, insecurity, personal experience, a bad day etc. There is no other way than to be led by the Holy Spirit.
So that is one of my goals for the year, to incline my ear to the Spirit and take his lead. Then I will hopefully have the right thing to say or just keep my mouth shut!
What would you have said to the heretic allegation?
Monday, January 9, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
50 years is a remarkable thing
Today marks my parents Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary, a feat which regrettably is not too common today. Cynics may say that they have stayed together out of convention, or comfortability, others may cite co-dependence but I know better.
Pam and Tom although both English have very little in common, other than parents that knew each other and the fact they are both only children. The Home Economics teacher without much self confidence and the sometimes troublemaker tradesman met and fell in love, somehow fulfilling a need in each other. Respect, admiration and love along with the common need to belong to someone and raise a family where love abounded brought this unlikely but very much in love pair together but did not erase the very real independence they both hold dear. This is expressed most days in very vocal differences of opinion which can be quite comical but which serve the real purpose of reminding each other they are still individuals. Totally devoted to each other they have grown together through financially hard times, parental relationship run ins (Pam's parents lived in a Granny flat at the back of their house), sickness, self willed teenagers, adult children woes and countless other situations that can bring couples closer together or drive a wedge between them. Constant sparks flying keeps the heat and intensity in their relationship which does not allow comfortability or convenience to creep in.
It has taken me a long time to understand the two of them and to be honest I'm still in the dark as to just how their relationship works but they have been a fine example of how two people can allow each other to grow in their own ways while still remaining intimately connected.
My husband and I will celebrate our Thirtieth Anniversary this year and despite having a very different relationship than my parents we know that it is partly thanks to their example of solidarity when times are tough that helped us push through hard times when giving up would have been easier.
So to Thomas Penlington and Pamela Kay Salt I want to say Congratulations, you have something and have reached a milestone that many people will never have. Together you have shown those around you that it is possible for two totally different people to live together without compromising self but also that two people can act as one to be victorious in love.
Nothing can beat that, nothing can stand against it, nothing not even separation can erase the love you have because it lives on inside of me and I am so glad it does.
Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad
Pam and Tom although both English have very little in common, other than parents that knew each other and the fact they are both only children. The Home Economics teacher without much self confidence and the sometimes troublemaker tradesman met and fell in love, somehow fulfilling a need in each other. Respect, admiration and love along with the common need to belong to someone and raise a family where love abounded brought this unlikely but very much in love pair together but did not erase the very real independence they both hold dear. This is expressed most days in very vocal differences of opinion which can be quite comical but which serve the real purpose of reminding each other they are still individuals. Totally devoted to each other they have grown together through financially hard times, parental relationship run ins (Pam's parents lived in a Granny flat at the back of their house), sickness, self willed teenagers, adult children woes and countless other situations that can bring couples closer together or drive a wedge between them. Constant sparks flying keeps the heat and intensity in their relationship which does not allow comfortability or convenience to creep in.
It has taken me a long time to understand the two of them and to be honest I'm still in the dark as to just how their relationship works but they have been a fine example of how two people can allow each other to grow in their own ways while still remaining intimately connected.
My husband and I will celebrate our Thirtieth Anniversary this year and despite having a very different relationship than my parents we know that it is partly thanks to their example of solidarity when times are tough that helped us push through hard times when giving up would have been easier.
So to Thomas Penlington and Pamela Kay Salt I want to say Congratulations, you have something and have reached a milestone that many people will never have. Together you have shown those around you that it is possible for two totally different people to live together without compromising self but also that two people can act as one to be victorious in love.
Nothing can beat that, nothing can stand against it, nothing not even separation can erase the love you have because it lives on inside of me and I am so glad it does.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Sleep, glorious sleep!
It always amazes me that we take sleep so much for granted. Sleep, the most glorious of times when our body digests, rejuvinates, repairs, organises, backs up and prepares for the day ahead.
When we say we don't sleep well, it's not the action of sleeping that is the problem
it's that our bodies are not functioning at their optimum, not firing on all cylinders.
For Mums of young babies and children, sleep seems like a promised activity that never really arrives, for the overtired it is an oasis in a desert, for the stressed most desired but unobtainable and for the ill, welcome relief from pain.
I have had long periods of insomnia and I can tell you they aren't pleasant. I also have times when in my cycle of bi-polar I am manic and my body tells me I don't need to sleep (but it lies). Depression can also bring on insomnia as well as wanting to sleep all the time.
I have always tried not to stress about sleep as it only makes it worse.
As a young mother a good friend told me "instead of worrying about the lack of sleep you do get, enjoy every moment you can rest and add that to your sleep time". It's amazing that if we just chill out while doing something that requires us to be still (breastfeeding etc) that you can rest and that is really what sleep is all about. Take every chance to take a nap even if its for 10 minutes as a rejuvenating nap can be as beneficial as a long one according to sleep specialists.
Going to bed too early can be just as much a problem as going too late, unless you are feeling tired don't go to bed. A regular time to go to bed is good but don't go if you're jumping around the room. A routine of a hot shower or a series of tasks helps your body get the signal its bed time.
Now when I can't sleep I go through a routine:
1. I don't lie in bed for more than 20 minutes
2. I get up and have a hot drink and some carbohydrate (if you're not on a diet) a digestive biscuit is a good choice
3. I try to do an activity that I know will make me sleepy, then as soon as I feel the urge to shut my eyes go straight to bed
4. If that doesn't work I find a brief hot shower helps enormously
5. I avoid sleeping tablets if possible as they don't actually allow you to get proper REM sleep which is vital to feel really rested. After all the point is to be rested not to be zonked out.
Good luck to anyone who is finding sleep difficult, remember the more you worry about it the worse it will get, so don't stress about not sleeping as then you won't sleep.
So Good Night, Sleep Tight and dont let the Bed Bugs Bite!
When we say we don't sleep well, it's not the action of sleeping that is the problem
it's that our bodies are not functioning at their optimum, not firing on all cylinders.
For Mums of young babies and children, sleep seems like a promised activity that never really arrives, for the overtired it is an oasis in a desert, for the stressed most desired but unobtainable and for the ill, welcome relief from pain.
I have had long periods of insomnia and I can tell you they aren't pleasant. I also have times when in my cycle of bi-polar I am manic and my body tells me I don't need to sleep (but it lies). Depression can also bring on insomnia as well as wanting to sleep all the time.
I have always tried not to stress about sleep as it only makes it worse.
As a young mother a good friend told me "instead of worrying about the lack of sleep you do get, enjoy every moment you can rest and add that to your sleep time". It's amazing that if we just chill out while doing something that requires us to be still (breastfeeding etc) that you can rest and that is really what sleep is all about. Take every chance to take a nap even if its for 10 minutes as a rejuvenating nap can be as beneficial as a long one according to sleep specialists.
Going to bed too early can be just as much a problem as going too late, unless you are feeling tired don't go to bed. A regular time to go to bed is good but don't go if you're jumping around the room. A routine of a hot shower or a series of tasks helps your body get the signal its bed time.
Now when I can't sleep I go through a routine:
1. I don't lie in bed for more than 20 minutes
2. I get up and have a hot drink and some carbohydrate (if you're not on a diet) a digestive biscuit is a good choice
3. I try to do an activity that I know will make me sleepy, then as soon as I feel the urge to shut my eyes go straight to bed
4. If that doesn't work I find a brief hot shower helps enormously
5. I avoid sleeping tablets if possible as they don't actually allow you to get proper REM sleep which is vital to feel really rested. After all the point is to be rested not to be zonked out.
Good luck to anyone who is finding sleep difficult, remember the more you worry about it the worse it will get, so don't stress about not sleeping as then you won't sleep.
So Good Night, Sleep Tight and dont let the Bed Bugs Bite!
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