Realising creativity

Realising that life is not something that is waiting to start when you get your head around it is something that many people; including myself, have failed to comprehend until recently. We give lip service to living every moment and cherishing the memories but have we actually done that or have we secretly been waiting in the wings for someone to shout 'action'. Nothing goes the way you expected it would, not life, career or relationships. It's not that they are not as they should be, it's just they are not necessarily what we were expecting.
Maybe that's why we reach those milestones in life like 30, 40 or 50 and seem to have a mini breakdown, we suddently remember that life has already started and a good portion of it is over.
I have no major regrets in my life, in fact I think when it comes to the big things I've done pretty well. I married a Godly man of good character, with whom I share the most amazing relationship, we have raised three beautiful children who have married equally suitable partners and I have managed to reinvent myself career wise more than a few times.
However the goals I set for myself were not defined enough that I actually ever pursued them with vigour. What I did besides from relationships that is, I did out of necessity rather than inspiration.
The question now is can I plan my goals and work towards them? Do I dare to dream enough? Work enough, be tenacious and fight enough? The answer if I'm honest is I'm not sure. Can I the procrastinator, dabbler, queen of the multiple ideas at a time be centred enough to pursue one thing?
I hope so. I want to believe so but deep down do I have the confidence, the stickability?
It's funny I know my children can do it. I watch them grow and follow their dreams, invent their lives, break out of the mould and I wonder where it comes from. Where did they get such impetus, drive, determination? Then I smile and I know where they got it, from me.
I may not be all I want to be, achieve all I want to achieve but I know that between their father and me we have nurtured tough, goal setting individuals who will do what maybe we couldn't do. No I'm not saying I won't do what I dream of doing, but I know I passed on the desire to achieve, to go with your gut instincts, to have a go because the only thing you'll regret is not taking the chance when you could.
Maybe things like that take generations to grow, I know my grandfather wanted to leave everything and move to Cairns, he never did, but I did. My parents gave up  career opportunities because they would have to leave family, but I moved away.
My mother didn't try things because she was afraid of failing but I have tried what she only dreamed of doing.
So maybe I'm not so powerless after all, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. I will keep on dreaming, working, analysing and maybe someday I'll look back and say, I did it!