Analogies that make you go ?

I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from a friend, who got them from who knows where but they are funny. The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as comic writers. What do you think?
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Chinese chicken.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
6. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
8. Jason fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re in another city and the news comes on at 6:00 p.m. instead of 6:30pm.
10. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Brisbane at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 85 kph, the other from the Gold Coast at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 55 kph.
13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
14. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
15. Shots rang out, as shots do.
16. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. It was an Austraian tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up

And to all of you who think that these couldn't possibly be real, I say, spend a day in my classroom.