Sleep, glorious sleep!

It always amazes me that we take sleep so much for granted. Sleep, the most glorious of times when our body digests, rejuvinates, repairs, organises, backs up and prepares for the day ahead.
When we say we don't sleep well, it's not the action of sleeping that is the problem
it's that our bodies are not functioning at their optimum, not firing on all cylinders.

For Mums of young babies and children, sleep seems like a promised activity that never really arrives, for the overtired it is an oasis in a desert, for the stressed most desired but unobtainable and for the ill, welcome relief from pain.


I have had long periods of insomnia and I can tell you they aren't pleasant. I also have times when in my cycle of bi-polar I am manic and my body tells me I don't need to sleep (but it lies). Depression can also bring on insomnia as well as wanting to sleep all the time.  

I have always tried not to stress about sleep as it only makes it worse.
As a young mother a good friend told me "instead of worrying about the lack of sleep you do get, enjoy every moment you can rest and add that to your sleep time". It's amazing that if we just chill out while doing something that requires us to be still (breastfeeding etc) that you can rest and that is really what sleep is all about. Take every chance to take a nap even if its for 10 minutes as a rejuvenating nap can be as beneficial as a long one according to sleep specialists.

Going to bed too early can be just as much a problem as going too late, unless you are feeling tired don't go to bed. A regular time to go to bed is good but don't go if you're jumping around the room. A routine of a hot shower or a series of tasks helps your body get the signal its bed time.

Now when I can't sleep I go through a routine:
1. I don't lie in bed for more than 20 minutes
2. I get up and have a hot drink and some carbohydrate (if you're not on a diet) a digestive biscuit is a good choice
3. I try to do an activity that I know will make me sleepy, then as soon as I feel the urge to shut my eyes go straight to bed
4. If that doesn't work I find a brief hot shower helps enormously
5. I avoid sleeping tablets if possible as they don't actually allow you to get proper REM sleep which is vital to feel really rested. After all the point is to be rested not to be zonked out.
Good luck to anyone who is finding sleep difficult, remember the more you worry about it the worse it will get, so don't stress about not sleeping as then you won't sleep.
So Good Night, Sleep Tight and dont let the Bed Bugs Bite!

Do we know what our kids will turn out like?

I recently found my son Jethro's grade 4 report card. It was an interesting read. In some ways it was no surprise but in others it brought back memories that I had long forgotten. Which got me thinking, can we predict the future in regards to our children? Do the characteristics, idiosyncricies and prevications give us a hint as to what our grown up children will be doing?
Well my answer is yes and no.
My daughter Michelle who was never much for anything to do with home making, the countryside or animals, cooking or organisation for that matter (When her room got so untidy she couldn't even get into bed because it was under so much mess, she used to move into her brother's room and mess that up so much that he then went and cleaned her room up so she would move back...) has just bought her first house with her husband in the country which has enough room for an organic vegetable garden and chickens (she raises them now) and a goat as she wants to make goats milk products. She is also an excellent cook and a manager of an organics store, which she does so well they have doubled their profits three years running. When she was a child I never would have guessed!
My first boy Benjamin on the other hand was born a scientist. He would alphabetise everything, was more organised with paper work than I was, kept his room fanatically clean analysed everything including politics from a young age and asked for a copy of 'Greys Anatomy' for his tenth birthday. No surprises there when he had a PhD at 22 in you guessed it Scientific Research.
Now Jethro on the other hand was predictable in some ways but not in others. For a boy who would not read a book until in grade 9 when he started with Tolkien's 'Lord of the Rings' it came as a bit of a surprise when he wanted to do drama and loved Shakespeare. Not one to necessarily like hard work, his one year stint lugging bananas on a banana farm was remarkable until you take into account he was courting Anna (his wife) at the time and she also worked there. However his easy going character, love of people and caring nature means that it is not surprising he is working as a Youth Worker with troubled teenagers.
So a mixed bag really.
I think you get glimpses of what they may become, God's influence in their lives makes way for character alterations and other influences may move them in a certain direction but they are not set in stone. Your influence as a parent has a huge impact even if you don't realise it at the time. Things they complained about as a child become their habits as adults. Often they take something you may have dabbled in and make it their own.
I don't believe children are blank canvases nor are they born with set futures but are a mixture of both. God creates individual people who have the potential to go in a variety of ways whether we see them or not.

World Teacher's Day

Tomorrow is world teacher's day so I thought I'd give you all a heads up on what being a teacher is really all about.
Forget the pithy sayings written on coffee mugs which suggest you are a world changer 'one student at a time'. That is not to say that we don't do that, I firmly believe we are an integral part of a child's life but that isn't the reality of every day teaching.
The reality is that we are motivational, organisational, behavioural experts who on a good day get to teach something which may or may not be of use to our students.
Schools are a great testament to 19th Century industrialisation but have nothing to do with teaching children to live in the 21st Century. If they did they would look very different.
Schools today are a paradox, teachers who have studied education and know the students don't get any say in what students learn. Instead governments, other adults and every man and his dog get to have their say in what schools should teach but not the ones who are doing the teaching.
Adults who hated school think we should teach what they learned, business wants what suits them, governments want what will make them look good but nobody really considers what students really need.
The public are consulted in TV interviews when statistics come out, government spokes people talk about getting back to basics and every time there is a social problem schools are told we should be tackling that issue.
Schools today teach sexual health, road safety, drugs and alcohol safety, bullying, resilience, organ donation, blood donation, water safety, water conservation, social skills, job interview skills, legal rights ...... as well as english, maths, science, history, geography, environmental science, social studies, information technology, japanese, hpe, sport and a myriad of electives.
Add to this parents who expect us to teach behaviour, manners, social skills, self discipline, social awareness as well as most other parental duties that they no longer want and then complain if we give homework as they can't deal with it. Most parents don't help students with spelling, revision (what's that?), research (no not plagarising from google) or anything that would help their child when they are at school.
It's no wonder that the average number of years that teachers last in the profession is '5'. Yes '5'!
Don't get me wrong I love my profession, I wouldn't do anything else but it is a major challenge everyday and is not what most people think of when they think of teachers.
So spare a thought for teachers tomorrow, they are amazing, wonderful, creative people who wouldn't be doing the job if they weren't passionate about it because it definitely isn't a walk in the park!

Blossom Heart: Chadstone - We Survived

Blossom Heart: Chadstone - We Survived

The quality of mercy is not strained.

When we think we've gone too far, done the unthinkable and gone beyond the pale. If we have exhausted everyone elses patience with us. Have reached rock bottom with no where else to go but up, then there is mercy.
Mercy, picks us up and holds us when we don't deserve it, it enfolds us in love when we have been unlovely, wipes away our tears in times of grief and sorrow even if of our own making.
God's mercy and grace make a mockery of Karma. We don't get what we deserve but what God wants to give us. Forgiveness, love, understanding, hope and the knowledge that we are never too far for God not to find us, never too reckless that God can not rescue us. Mercy is by definition for such as these, those who have used up everyone elses patience, hope and trust. For God alone is truly merciful, He alone has the power to love us enough to bend and pick us up.
Had bad news tonight from one I love dearly, who is broken, beaten by their own actions, caught in a nightmare that they can't escape from. I have only two words of comfort BUT GOD...
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son"
"Through Jesus Christ all our sins are forgiven"
"Christ came for the sick and lost for those in need not the well and righteous"
When all seems lost - God
When I've gone too far - God
When I'm ashamed - God
When others hate me - God
When I'm so broken - God
When I know it's my fault - God
God's grace and mercy, is not meted out only for those who haven't gone too far, it is for us all because we have all gone too far. Judgement is not yet upon us, but forgiveness is for us now.
Will He take the consequences away? No, but He will help you through, He will make a way, He will undertake for you because He loves you.
Don't spend time in regret, regret is not a positive response, confess your wrong doing and the attitudes of mind that got you here in the first place, repent at the foot of the cross, accept forgiveness and then rest in Him.
Only He can take you on a journey of restoration, turn you back on the path of righteousness so you can get up and live, live for Him, live regardless, live like you have everything to live for because you do.

God is Good Even When We're Not

I am overawed by how God can take something negative and create something fresh, positive and exciting. Even when we do the wrong thing God can create opportunities for growth, understanding and peace.
Our God is not into Karma, Karma means we get what we deserve, our God is into grace and mercy.
We need to stop beating ourselves up expecting the worst when we err, but acknowledge our mistakes, pray for forgiveness and then sit back and see what God can make out of it.
Sometimes we learn through consequences because that is what we need but in other situations God truly amazes us by creating a 'silk purse out of a sow's ear'.
This isn't an excuse to sin but a challenge to truly believe that God means us good, in all circumstances.
No matter who we are, God wants relationship, He wants to build His kingdom, it isn't all about us, it is all about Him. His pleasure, His glory, His Mercy, His Grace, His power, His will for this earth and all who inhabit it.
When God does a miracle by taking a mess and creating something beautiful we need to acknowledge it, feel humbled and thankful, giving Him all the glory.

For our God is truly the King of Kings and Lord of Lords in all, through all and forever.

Realising creativity

Realising that life is not something that is waiting to start when you get your head around it is something that many people; including myself, have failed to comprehend until recently. We give lip service to living every moment and cherishing the memories but have we actually done that or have we secretly been waiting in the wings for someone to shout 'action'. Nothing goes the way you expected it would, not life, career or relationships. It's not that they are not as they should be, it's just they are not necessarily what we were expecting.
Maybe that's why we reach those milestones in life like 30, 40 or 50 and seem to have a mini breakdown, we suddently remember that life has already started and a good portion of it is over.
I have no major regrets in my life, in fact I think when it comes to the big things I've done pretty well. I married a Godly man of good character, with whom I share the most amazing relationship, we have raised three beautiful children who have married equally suitable partners and I have managed to reinvent myself career wise more than a few times.
However the goals I set for myself were not defined enough that I actually ever pursued them with vigour. What I did besides from relationships that is, I did out of necessity rather than inspiration.
The question now is can I plan my goals and work towards them? Do I dare to dream enough? Work enough, be tenacious and fight enough? The answer if I'm honest is I'm not sure. Can I the procrastinator, dabbler, queen of the multiple ideas at a time be centred enough to pursue one thing?
I hope so. I want to believe so but deep down do I have the confidence, the stickability?
It's funny I know my children can do it. I watch them grow and follow their dreams, invent their lives, break out of the mould and I wonder where it comes from. Where did they get such impetus, drive, determination? Then I smile and I know where they got it, from me.
I may not be all I want to be, achieve all I want to achieve but I know that between their father and me we have nurtured tough, goal setting individuals who will do what maybe we couldn't do. No I'm not saying I won't do what I dream of doing, but I know I passed on the desire to achieve, to go with your gut instincts, to have a go because the only thing you'll regret is not taking the chance when you could.
Maybe things like that take generations to grow, I know my grandfather wanted to leave everything and move to Cairns, he never did, but I did. My parents gave up  career opportunities because they would have to leave family, but I moved away.
My mother didn't try things because she was afraid of failing but I have tried what she only dreamed of doing.
So maybe I'm not so powerless after all, maybe it's just a matter of perspective. I will keep on dreaming, working, analysing and maybe someday I'll look back and say, I did it!

Is it just me?

I just read a blog by a lovely young woman I really admire. She is a woman of few words, but those words penetrate through all the froth and bubble and hit your heart with a thud. I love her talent for saying what she means and leaving it at that. Shawna you're a star!

I'm not going to say "I wish I could do that" as I'm not doing the 'I wish I had someone elses talent whinge' but I do love things that are refreshingly elegant. Elegance is 'just enough for a large impact' like a simple but elegant dress which packs a punch by being cut well rather than having lots of accessories or frills.
I have to say I'm not like that, either in my writing, dressing, home or anything else for that matter. I used to try to be, always looking for ways to be seen as elegant, then one day I realised I was despising what God had given me.
As I've said in previous blogs, I love colour, texture, the wild and unusual. I love to find the different, out of the box, crazy things so being elegant is just never going to happen.
But I can admire and enjoy elegance, in whatever form it takes.

Accepting yourself the way you are, in regards to your personality and style is a huge achievement, one I am embracing more and more as I grow older. I've come to realise that often the people I admire (not you Shawna), want to be someone else and so we all spend far too much time thinking 'if only'.
My advice to everyone and anyone is take a good look at yourself, find your hidden talents, idiosyncrasies, your style and embrace them. It makes life so much easier and far less burdensome. Stop judging yourself by other peoples standards, God is the only standard and He is a much less harsher task master than we often think He is. If you are honestly giving Him your heart and living your life in relationship with Him, if He is challenging you (notice I don't say berating or condemning as only satan does that) and you are listening then stop fretting.
Learning to like yourself is probably the hardest thing you will ever do but it brings such release it is worth it.

Analogies that make you go ?

I have to share these “funniest analogies” with you. They came in an e-mail from a friend, who got them from who knows where but they are funny. The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as comic writers. What do you think?
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Chinese chicken.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
6. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
8. Jason fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re in another city and the news comes on at 6:00 p.m. instead of 6:30pm.
10. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Brisbane at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 85 kph, the other from the Gold Coast at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 55 kph.
13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
14. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
15. Shots rang out, as shots do.
16. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. It was an Austraian tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up

And to all of you who think that these couldn't possibly be real, I say, spend a day in my classroom.

Low level disruption can be worse than the extremes!

I found this comforting and useful, see what you think!
Low Level Disruption. Can you kick it? Yes, you can.
A stream cuts a score down a mountain until it becomes a ravine, and then a valley. It doesn’t do this because it’s powerful. It succeeds by persistence and patience, using the same weapon with which a weed splits a paving slab: time. A student can do the same to your lesson, and eventually your sanity, if they are allowed to drip, drip, drip away at you. Low level disruption is what teachers face most of all, and most often. You can forget the staffroom stories of deodorant-can flamethrowers and chairs thrown through windows (actually don’t forget about them; anything is possible), because the reality of the job is mostly a playful brook (not a torrent) of niggly, annoying behaviours that will wear you down in a thousand cuts.
Low level disruption appears, in isolation, like nothing at all. It’s hardly worth even mentioning to your non-teaching pals when you emerge from your educational cocoon at the weekend and pretend to have a normal life. But when you combine the cumulative effects of all those tiny, persistent little goblins chattering away around you, it adds up to an ocean of misery, a long night of the soul that stretches out forever. Low level disruption is like kryptonite for the well planned lesson.
What qualifies as low-level disruption? I can offer two answers: a definition, and examples. Examples are easier to start with: chair-rocking, pen-tapping, chatting over others, chatting over you, passing notes, passing wind, entering late, chewing gum, texting, drawing in their book, poking their partners…in fact maybe it isn’t so easy to exhaustively categorise it. Let’s define it instead: anything that slows down the flow of your lesson without actually blowing it out of the water. I usually define it as ‘anything that annoys me’, although that might not be very useful to you, not being me and all. It’s the little stuff, the wriggly, niggly behaviour that pupils do instead of learning when they don’t have the moxie to tell you to stick your lesson where even OfSTED won’t go.
And that’s why it’s so corrosive; because of all the things you’ll have to handle as a teacher, this stuff will be constantly with you, looking over your shoulder like Long John Silver’s parrot, pooping gaily on you and laughing, as you take the register. It’s a fact of teaching, like barnacles on a boat. Because it seems so minor, it feels like it should be easy to handle: and so it is- individually. Any teacher that can manage to inhale and exhale can deal with a lone pupil clicking the lid of his biro a couple of times. But a whole class doing it, intermittently, while others make sinister humming noises at the same time as the whole back row are placing bets on when your stack will blow, for how long, and how high….that’s a different level.
If you’re a member of the human race you will have a limit on your patience. You will also probably have a limited number of things that you can focus on and deal with before you feel like you are surrounded by a room of break-dancing oompah loompahs. It’s amazing how it only takes a few annoyances to drive you insane. So there are two dangers in low-level disruption:
It happens a lot
It’s hard to put out a dozen fires at once
Pupils know all this stuff already. They know that they can put the mercury of your blood pressure through the rafters like a fairground try-your-strength . Most pupils don’t have the guts to stand up to you directly- believe it or not, they are only kids, and despite the reputation some have for torching orphanages and selling their grannies on E-Bay, most are still pretty intimidated by grown-ups. So instead of standing up to in you lesson and pirouetting through the class, most will amuse themselves with the time-honoured past-time of teacher baiting. Unlike bear baiting, this is still legal. Understand that the motives for this kind of behaviour are broadly, in three categories:
To watch you change colour
To distract you and themselves from a fascinating lesson on Jewish food law
Because they’ve switched off so much they are trying to occupy themselves. Poor loves. What on earth is therefore them to do in a classroom? Oh yes…
Most teachers (especially new ones) are very switched on to bad behaviour- it leaps out at them, begging to be squashed. So when several things happen at once, or something happens repetitively, it gets extremely stressful, extremely quickly. The most important thing to try to do is to not let it disturb you, or get under your skin. Yeah, I know- easy right? But most of this disruption is aimed at entertaining themselves, pure and simple. If they see you having an aneurysm, there’s nothing more guaranteed to get them to repeat the behaviour. If they see that you aren’t bothered by their low level japes, then they will soon get bored and look for something else to do. With luck, it’ll be your lesson.
How do you keep your temper? It involves a change in your attitude. You have to not care so much about it. You have to realise that it’s not personal (they don’t know you) and that you’re doing a job, not raising your children. And you absolutely have to know, deep down in your giblets that any misbehaviour will be punished- if not in the classroom, then hereafter (and I don’t mean in Heaven.). The simple knowledge of this- and I mean you have to know it- will give you the satisfaction to keep your cool when even Fonzie would be spitting feathers.
Low level behaviour is also a way of keeping themselves occupied in other ways- quite simply they’re often just bored- attention wandering all over the archipelago of your educational voyage. This book looks specifically at behaviour, so I won’t dwell on the necessity of keeping lesson pace brisk and interesting- mainly because all the bells and whistles on a lesson won’t get them motivated if the teacher can’t deal with the behaviour. If George Bush were a teacher (rather than a clownish nightmare) he would have said ‘It’s the Behaviour, stupid.’ So how do you deal with the actual behaviour itself?
Apart from pretending that you don’t actually want to burst the miscreants like balloons, the main things you need to do are name taking and ass kicking. That’s it. There is no way to get around it- this is what you have to do to be a teacher in an even remotely challenging school. A bin man has to lift rubbish; a priest will preach; a lawyer will…well, do whatever lawyers do that requires me to mortgage my soul every time I need one. You’re not a failure if you have to do this stuff. You’re a success. You’re a professional. You’re doing your job right. You’ll do it for as long as you teach. Never ask, “When will I be able to stop telling them off?” Because the answer is, “Maybe never, brothers and sisters.”
The procedures for handling the small stuff is easy in theory, and soul-destroying in practise. It is entirely a war of attrition, and the key thing is for you to win. You mustn’t flinch, or blink, or break eye contact. Do that and you’ll win. Don’t do it, and you’ll be fighting the same battle for as long as you teach. So what do you want to do?
Taken from ‘The Behaviour Guru’ by Tom Bennett, published by Continuum.

A thought for those who've lost

The 11th of September will always be a day of rememberance. If you were able to compehend the events as they unfolded, the horror as the realisation of what had just happened sank in it is a memory I'd rather forget. Not only a day when we lost our sense of security but a day that marked a change in how the majority of the world views others. I'd like to say that the empathy and concern of others won the day, but sadly hate and bitterness came along for the ride.


A young man with so much potential that I had been at University with in 1994/5 was one of the casualties of that day. Working at a dream job, achieving his goals, on the way to a bright future in politics. A man who I had many discussions with, studied with and who struck me as a man who wanted a better life for others. Andrew Knox you are not forgotten.
As I watched his twin brother read out Andrews and others names at the memorial I had to stop and think what his life would have been like; where he would be now if that terrible day did not happen?
The students in my grade 7 & 8 classes today were confused about 9/11 meant, some knew the mechanics of what happened but none had a grasp on how it changed the world nor should they. They were 2 or 3 years old at the time and had no idea of what really was behind the events or why or how things have changed since.
So how does it affect me in my life here in 'Paradise':

1. It means I have to go through more thorough security checks and can't carry things I might like onto an aeroplane (not a particularly difficult problem, more of an inconvenience).




2. The world media and politics is more cynical and sees threats everywhere which makes people feel unsafe and on edge (not good).




3. People have very opinionated views on Muslims they know little about (due to reckless and biased reporting of events and people & on the flip side we are politically incorrect if we talk about the Muslim population in Australia because people might think we are just biased due to 9/11).




4. Children grow up with parents talking about 'terrorists' as if they are around every corner unnecessarily frightening them (a definite concern).




5. Our sons, brothers, nephews are fighting and have been fighting for 10 years in a place a long way from home in a war I don't think they can win. (That is not to say I don't think we should be there, just that it is so complicated it is hard to know who's winning).




6. Innocent people have been sacrificed in the name of doing something in the months after the attacks.

So where do we go from here? As a Christian I continue on, knowing that the world is changing just as predicted in the Bible. It is not a surprise that the world is at war with one another nor that fanatics (on both sides) mete out their own justice. I would hope that people see thing as they really are instead of blaming cultures or people, Satan is at the heart of terrorism, unrest, death and destruction, these are his tools and we are to stand firm not allowing him to consume us with fear, because the war has already been won.

We need to keep our defences up, fight the battles before us until the end of time but we don't need to become obssessed. I hope I never have to watch another 9/11 but knowing mankind I know that the chances are slim. Somewhere at sometime, someone will do the unthinkable only this time we will not be as shocked or vulnerable. Which if we think about it, reveals the real cost, 'our innocence'.

A great idea

At Generations Girls (Christian Women's Group) night we had Coffee & Cake and a swap evening. We were raising money for 'Samaritan's Purse' shoeboxes of which our church has pledged 200 this year. This money was to go towards the postage which is now $9 a box.

I must admit I didn't feel like going out on a Friday evening. I've had a full on week at school, have a really sore back and was feeling sorry for myself and in a lot of pain. Stephen; my ever sensible husband, urged me to go as he said it would do me good, so after a hot shower, a lovely fish and salad dinner (which he cooked), I got dressed and headed off out the door, announcing I'd be back early.The idea was to pay $5 entrance and then give a gold coin donation for anything you wanted to purchase from the array of goods available. The items were brought by ourselves and then displayed for people to look at, try on and fight over (well not really although there were a few people who obviously wanted the same things).It was a great success and as I knew nobody else was really my size I took shoes, scarves and other accessories instead. They went quickly and I picked up a few new scarves, a few pieces of jewellery, a top (that someone had brought especially for me so I wouldn't feel left out (bless you Sina!) and a dress for Anna my daughter in law.Everyone went home happy, we cleaned out our cupboards, had a great time going through items, bagged some bargain and had wonderful cake and coffee afterwards. I often despair at the amount of clothes etc that go to waste. I love refashioning things, recycling and redistributing but sadly for some they take themselves far too seriously.A few people wouldn't try anything on unless it was brand new with tags or didn't want to contribute because the clothes weren't selling for more money (huh?). How sad to be so self focussed you can't join in the fun.Anyway I enjoyed myself, I love a bargain and I got more than I expected.

P.S. I wasn't home early, I didn't get home until 10pm and he had gone to bed. oops!

The way things are

Getting older means becoming more comfortable with youself, realizing that you are who you are about some things and if they aren't harmful to anyone then don't sweat the small stuff. For example:

• I'm a sucker for colour, can't help it even when I think I want to be subdued I can't resist the item that is the most colourful, the most rich in hue.
  
  
  
  



• I cry all the time, not just because I'm sad but because I feel things deeply, probably too deeply but that is just me.
  
  



• I talk too much, I'm better than I used to be, but let's face it I still talk too much, that is the way I deal with things talking them out, doesn't suit everyone and drives others crazy but there you have it can't help it.
  
  



• I like comfort, I love clothes, fashion, style but if it isn't comfortable I won't wear it anymore because it's not worth the pain, therefore I will never truly be chic but hey thats me.
  
  



• I have a thing for shoes, there I've said it, inherited it from my grandmother, I just can't go past a shoe store without looking. Not as bad as I used to be at one count when I was younger I had 42 pairs of shoes, now its about 12.
  
  



• Notebooks are a weakness, I just love a notebook with a pretty cover or one that has fine paper or special catches, too many notebooks in our house.
  
  



• I'm nosey I like to know what's going on, not to an extreme but if I'm out of the loop I feel a little left out, silly I know but then that's me.
  
  



• I procrastinate, all the time, about most things. I think it's the fact that because of the bipolar if I'm in the right place, the right zone then things are easy and if I'm not they are difficult so I wait until I'm in the zone and sometimes that means things are done at the last minute. I am getting a little better, especially with work but none the less I know I procrastinate.

Luckily none of these things are particularly harmful, just facts that I've learned over the years. Things I have tried to change but don't seem to have much success in changing so I've decided to suck it up, there are enough other things to work on believe me!

What I would like my future to hold

Change is inevitable, we can fight it or go along for the ride. Things that weren't important before suddenly seem imperative. Flowers for instance I want them everywhere now, Frangipani's especially but anything pretty is part of what I want in my world. Beauty, art, poetry, things that stir the God part of me, that appreciates his creation and creative ability. It's been a long time since I sat down and thought about what I actually want out of the rest of my life. I mean there are some things that go without saying such as:

• spend more time with family (goodness knows how since they are so far away)



• seeking God more often and with greater staying power, really studying the word maybe through a Bible College Masters programme



• Doing a Masters in Family Counselling is also on the horizon, I'm just not sure when but soon I hopecoming to some common ground with my husband over what we want to do and where we want to do it for the next 20 years



• discovering the talents I know I have but have never explored (whether craft, writing, dreaming, activating my passions or just living life the way I always dreamed I would



• making some decisions on how I'm going to put those plans into action

That is not to say I am unhappy, restless or 'trying to find myself'. I don't have a 'bucket list' nor do I crave one off experiences. I'd like to do some travelling but have no ideal place I've dreamed of for years. I have no desire to live out of a suitcase for 6 months. A new house would be nice, one with character, a small but usable garden area and outside undercover area (maybe even a pool). I don't want anything bigger in fact something smaller but with usable versatile space would be great. But all of these fade in comparison for what I want for Stephen and I as we grow old together gracefully. I want purpose, the kind of unhurried satisfaction of doing God's will His way and not mine. To be a natural evangelist whose career encompasses caring for people. I don't want wads of cash, in fact I find I'm more creative and satisfied when I have to use my creative skills rather than just buy what I want when I want it. I'd like to be able to look after my mum and dad in their old age even when it seems unlikely as we are definitely not moving to Adelaide and I doubt Dad would agree to move up here. Building my relationship with my brother and his children, finding my sister even if it is to let her know I've not forgotten her (I'm not naive enough to think I will necessarily be welcome).

To make some new friends to fill my need to give and receive, someone who will be honest with me, a true friend who doesn't beat around the bush but understands my motives. A career I love, that I can pour myself into but leave at work. Pipe dreams some may say, but nobody did anything without dreaming and working towards it. I never thought in my wildest dreams until into my late 40's that I would be teaching High School. When I was first married I could never have imagined doing 2 degrees, working as an ESL/EFL teacher at Griffith University or visiting Japan teaching english twice. My life has taken many turns, some great and exciting, some painful and a hard slog but they are all a part of me and make up the sum of my being. God has never been hidden although at times I didn't even bother to look for Him. It is I who have stretched the elastic so far I lost sight of who I am and who I belong to.

So I put this down as a testament to my thought patterns, desires, interests I'd like to pursue and necessary changes I need to make.You'll notice I haven't mentioned weight or diet or exercise or diabetes or bipolar or psoriatic arthritis or a dodgy immune system. They are being healed slowly cell by cell and are in God's control, I do what I need to but I'm not going to spend precious time fretting over things that ultimately I cannot change other than slow purposeful actions.

What happened?

I was thinking tonight as I pondered the cleaning up I would have to do before family comes to visit, 'what happened to the old me?'. For the first 12 years or so of marriage my house of immaculate. Not just tidy, but thoroughly and completely clean all the time. I was at home for most of that time I must confess but I had a passion for a clean and tidy house, a place for everything and everything in its place. Even with 3 children under 5 I was super mum when it came to house work, craft, cooking and sewing. Then life happened.

I began to wonder when I lost this passion, was it when I first became ill, or started work or university for the 2nd time, was it while away looking after my brother and nephews when his wife died? I can't remember a time or day just a complete shift in how I spend my time.

It's not as if I don't love a clean and tidy house or I hate housework as such, it just doesn't have the same urgency that it used to. I feel stuck in a never ending cycle of shifting things to make the house presentable and then not being able to find them again. Then giving up because it all seems too much and I don't know where to start.

Now my life is getting back to some kind of normality this problem is going to have to be on my priority list. Not because I'm house proud, I'm definitely not, if I'm going to do it for anyone it will be for me but because I want that satisfaction back, the feeling I had when I could look around and feel the pleasure of a organised, well kept home.

I'll probably have to put my foot down when it comes to some of my better halfs belongings which I think are for outside but which are now inside and I know I want some more cupboards, shelves, containers etc to put things in but finding these can be enjoyable too.

A sewing table set up for me to work at when I feel like it, room in the study to work a place to relax and read away from the TV are all areas I would like in the house and now we have no one at home we should be able to do that.

So here's to a new life, new organisation, new outlook the new/old me!

Doctors

I have an amazing doctor and because I have an overabundance of medical conditions that need attention I know my doctor very well. I am also an advocate of people having a family doctor as it reaps the rewards of much better continuity of care, plus not having to explain the same things to different doctors every time you visit.



However the problem with finding a really good doctor is when they are good you can't get an appointment without waiting at least a week. Same goes for a clinic full of good doctors, you can't see anyone for days.



Now I go to a clinic that does not bulk bill without a concession card so you would think that it would be easier to get an appointment with your doctor of choice but no I'm afraid it isn't.



Now my suggestion is that if you're a medical clinic who has very popular doctors and patients that don't want to go somewhere else for those emergencies like: a migraine, a boil that needs lancing, very bad tonsillitis (that won't last a week before antibiotics) etc.. then they should have a doctor who just does clinic member emergencies. It would work like a 24 hr clinic where first in is first served but at least the assigned doctor would have your medical records on hand, you can attend the same centre, records would be kept for your usual doctor and if there is a problem they could consult them.



I have often seen other doctors for emergencies but today after I was told they didn't have an appointment for an excision of 2 very bad boils they said I would have to wait until next week! Next week, I can't move now and am on strong pain killers, what will I be like by next week.



I know I shouldn't complain as many people in the world don't have a chance to see any doctors. I am grateful for the amazing medical technology and professional competent doctors in this country, but it seems ridiculous that I now have to go and get a stranger to lance a boil at a 24 hr clinic where I'll have to line up for goodness knows how long to get a procedure that should be part of a clinic's service.



Am I expecting too much, if I'm willing to pay to see a doctor shouldn't I be able to get an appointment without waiting a week. Should doctors have cut off numbers of patients so they can see their regular patients when they need them. I know that to make money they need to have a wide client base but since there are 9 doctors at my clinic not being able to see anyone for a week seems ridiculous.



Anyway that's my gripe for today. It looks like I'll have to suffer in silence (on strong pain killers) stay off work and try to hang on until they either burst or drive me round the bend.

Money is one thing but health is another, if you have health but no money you are blessed, because without health you can't enjoy the money.

Playing around can waste so much time

I've just spent 2 hours playing around with my template design and really haven't got anywhere. I mean how much time can it take? Apparently forever. I tried a few new ones but they didn't work, so I'm going to have to get some info and tips from Alyce who always has a beautiful looking blog. Alyce is my daughter in law, my son Ben's wife. She is so clever and recently went to a bloggers conference to learn some new tricks and ideas. My problem is I have too many ideas, I find it hard to concentrate on one thing most of the time so I end up doing too many things at once.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the 'bi-polar' which makes me like this. I know when I'm manic I have so many ideas it sends me batty just thinking about them but really if I wrote down every new idea I had every day for all the things I do, could do, want to do or might want to do. All I would do is write.

Today for instance I had new ideas for:

• Parent - Teacher interface at school



• 3 businesses I'd like to start



• 4 books I'd like to write



• Too many redecorating ideas to mention



• Behaviour management techniques and



• 6 items I'd like to sew but don't have a pattern or know if one exists

Is that normal? Maybe it is, maybe I just think I'm abnormal but even if I'm not abnormal my brain can't seem to keep up.

Concentating on one thing at a time has always been my problem, I haven't finished the first project before I'm already collecting items for the next 5.

Maybe that's why I have so much trouble sleeping.

So I need to pray for some order in my brain, a brain filing system where I can retrieve ideas later on.

I wonder if there is such a thing and if not could I design one?

Oh stop it Vikki you're doing it again.

What's up with this week

I may be excused for being a little paranoid this week as I've had three episodes of different people venting at me over three separate things I know were not done in the spirit they were received.



Firstly it was taking something I said completely out of context, then a questioning of my motives and now someone believing I was judging them inappropriately. In my defense I must say that all three incidents were unprovoked and taken in ways totally opposite of what I intended.



However it has been a good lesson in tolerance, patience and remaining calm in the midst of tumoil. I can't say I handled every situation the same, the first I took far too personally as even though it was meant as a personal attack it was really someone venting frustration and I was in the firing line. The second again was someone who has no control of their situation and was looking for someone else to blame and the third is someone feeling guilty and looking for a way to justifiy their behaviour.



As a christian I don't always react the way I might like and in the first situation I must admit I didn't handle it well. However I did apologise for my response and let God show me that personal distress is often vented at those nearby. The second and third I handled much better, measuring my responses and thinking through how I should handle the situation.



Being wrongly accused of ulterior motives is never pleasant especially when you didn't have any but just like Christ was accused and spat on so shall we be. Remembering that Jesus was perfect and yet was still berated and misunderstood should relieve our hurt, for we are no where near perfect but as we stand for Christ we can expect no better treatment.



When we are sure of who we are, we can remind ourselves that God's opinion of us is the only one that matters, we then stand surer. Checking our motives and making sure that the allegations actually have no truth is an important part of growth. Realising that others may not have had many positive experiences and always assume the worst is also helpful.



It doesn't really matter who confronts you, Satan is the accuser, it is he who wants us to doubt ourselves, berate ourselves or even worse take offense. If we do then he has won.



So I brush myself off, learn from my mistakes, accept criticism where it is due and continue on with my journey. I don't stop trying, I don't say "well I'm never going to try and help again", I'm not going to get bitter or bent out of shape. That is what Satan wants and I will not give him that satisfaction. I know I'm not perfect, I know I make mistakes but I know my motives and I stand by them.



Now I feel better, sometimes putting it in words helps us get perspective and that is what this blog is about. Now how am I going to bless someone tomorrow?

Wednesday hump day at last

Middle of the week, Home group tonight, by the end of the day I've done my 3 full days without a spare and only 2 days left until the weekend so I can do some more sewing.



Just waiting til then to try a singlet top dress pattern I found on line.

It is very simple simply cut off a singlet top a few centimeteres below the bust then choose a lovely flowy fabric, cut twice the width of the singlet, gather attach to singlet top and you have a new dress.



Similarly you can attach a circular skirt by cutting out a skirt on the bias and attaching after some light gathering.



Sounds simple and looks great on the tutorial but the proof is in the making so I'll let you know on Monday how it went.

I am going to try to attach photos from my camera for the first time, hoping it works.



Have a great day



Vikki

What hope have the children got?

I find that more and more the parents I talk to regarding their children's behaviour or lack of effort want to put the blame on me, or the school, or on other children, in fact anyone other than themselves or their child.



Parents who take a phone call and are pleased that you care enough to call are few and far between but they do exist. Some are genuinely horrified at their child's behaviour and take the time to talk to you, discussing issues at home or things I need to know but nevertheless not making excuses.



I know I'm not the first teacher to despair at the generation of people they are charged with educating but just at the moment I am worried.

A lack of work ethic, a sense of entitlement without any effort or committment, an attitude of 'if it doesn't suit what I want to do then I just won't do it' is becoming far too common. It must be coming from somewhere because it's definitely not from the teachers or the school.

One parent even said to me, "that's what teachers are for, it's not my job to make them work at school", then went on to complain that their child had failed a subject.

It's not all doom and gloom, there are some amazing kids who have a willingness to learn and when challenged find strength inside themselves to go the extra mile. But that used to be the norm, now it's the minority. Even children from hardworking families are caught up in the "I'll be ok, I don't need school to succeed" myth.



Not everyone is academic, not everyone is going to get A's or even B's but everyone could get an A for effort and behaviour. Everyone has the chance to prove they are a hard worker who puts effort into all they do. Every student can have the commet conscienscious student on their report card.



It's amazing how students who have never done well suddenly get better grades when they apply themselves thoroughly. People are more willing to help, cut them some slack, give them extra time because they have proven their desire to reach goals.



I wonder where our country will be in twenty years time, will we have the same problems as the US and the UK? A majority of people who won't work, despise authority, want everything for nothing and then blame everyone else except themselves.



If we're not careful that's what it will come to and we'll have no one else to blame but ourselves.

A new passion

Isn't it amazing how one day we can be caught up in our daily grind and then something sparks a new interest and we become passionate overnight? It used to happen to me a lot but over the past few years life has seemed fairly routine, no hobbies, no outlets other than those I had to do for necessities sake. Now I feel like a new woman. Sewing, fabric, making things has become my new life at home. I'm not sure how my husband feels about it as I seem to spend an awful lot of time researching, comparing patterns, fabrics and new ideas. I used to sew, when my kids were little I sewed quite a bit, I had to, I couldn't afford new clothes for them and as I was particular about them being well dressed I had no choice. Similarly with my clothes, sewing was the only way to keep up with fashion. I was very practical as I was scared of getting out of my depth, but now I'm older I can afford to go a bit crazy, experiment, if it doesn't work who cares? Age is like that, what seemed so important in my youth suddenly doesn't matter. If I make a mistake I simply unpick, cut another piece of fabric or keep going. I made some trousers for Jonathan and realized when I had finishd that the fabric was upside down oops, but hey the fabric cost me all of $3.00 so I'm not going to fret about it. Made a little skirt with some lightweight satin and tulle on the weekend. No pattern I just guessed. It turned out ok, I remembered some things as I went along, cut it out twice (lucky there was enough of the remnants I used) and low and behold it turned out better than I expected. I know what to do next time I make one now. The more I do the more comes back to me. Tackling a dress next which I have a pattern for, more complicated so I've got to steel myself to just start it, as it's material my daughter in law bought I need to be sure before I cut and sew. So if you're dying to try something, go for it. Have fun, experiment. You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't give it a go.

A new passion

Isn't it amazing how one day we can be caught up in our daily grind and then something sparks a new interest and we become passionate overnight?
It used to happen to me a lot but over the past few years life has seemed fairly routine, no hobbies, no outlets other than those I had to do for necessities sake.
Now I feel like a new woman. Sewing, fabric, making things has become my new life at home. I'm not sure how my husband feels about it as I seem to spend an awful lot of time researching, comparing patterns, fabrics and new ideas.
I used to sew, when my kids were little I sewed quite a bit, I had to, I couldn't afford new clothes for them and as I was particular about them being well dressed I had no choice. Similarly with my clothes, sewing was the only way to keep up with fashion.
I was very practical as I was scared of getting out of my depth, but now I'm older I can afford to go a bit crazy, experiment, if it doesn't work who cares?
Age is like that, what seemed so important in my youth suddenly doesn't matter. If I make a mistake I simply unpick, cut another piece of fabric or keep going.
I made some trousers for Jonathan and realized when I had finishd that the fabric was upside down oops, but hey the fabric cost me all of $3.00 so I'm not going to fret about it.
Made a little skirt with some lightweight satin and tulle on the weekend. No pattern I just guessed. It turned out ok, I remembered some things as I went along, cut it out twice (lucky there was enough of the remnants I used) and low and behold it turned out better than I expected. I know what to do next time I make one now. The more I do the more comes back to me.
Tackling a dress next which I have a pattern for, more complicated so I've got to steel myself to just start it, as it's material my daughter in law bought I need to be sure before I cut and sew.
So if you're dying to try something, go for it. Have fun, experiment. You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't give it a go.

Inspiration on the go

It always amazes me how when I'm the most busy ideas seem to pop into my head. It's not even that I'm thinking about any particular thing, they seem to come from nowhere. However knowing "all good things come from God" I'm sure what I think of as my inspiration is not mine at all.

Opshopping this afternoon brought on a flood of ideas which when sifted through actually did want some more exploration. My problem seems to be that the idea is clear enough, just not how to do it. However that is the challenge and I relish a challenge. Found a wealth of material I could use this afternoon but upon consideration want to hone down exactly what I want so I don't get stuck with a whole lot of stuff I can't use.

Still can't sleep, this is day 17 of broken sleep or prolonged periods of wakefulness, I thought that maybe going to bed later might help but have done that for 4 days now and it hasn't helped. So back to the drawing board.

Just messing around

I decided today that so much is going on with me and around me that I'd blog for a while and share these wonderful thoughts, feelings and ideas I've been having. So stay posted for craft ideas I've found or made up, recipes, random thoughts, shopping tips, style ideas etc. This will also be a way of journaling what is going on inside my head (do you really want to know?). So now I have to get my skates on, decide on the time each day that suits me to do this and just get to it. I'm hoping to play around with my template but for now this will do. Love to all and Goodnight.