Like everything else in life we often don't realise just how blessed we are until something is taken away from us. However right now I can't remember the last time I was in good health. So another diagnosis of something serious was a kick in the guts to be perfectly honest. Now that's not a whinge or complaint just a fact of life for me over most of the past 49 years.
I have been a Christian since I was 18 and have always believed in God's healing power for me. However that doesn't take away the physical facts that I have had 6 major operations for disfunctioning body parts, 8 operations for cysts and abcesses in places I don't want to mention, have scarred lungs, asthma, bi-polar disorder, get migraine headaches, have psoriatic arthritis (a kind of rheumotoid arthritis) and now another diagnosis of something nasty.
On many occassions God has given me the strength to endure pain and to keep going when I didn't think I could. I have achieved a great deal in my life despite the debilitation that these health problems have caused. God has used me in many instances in speaking into the lives of people who are struggling with health issues and has used me to bring His healing to their bodies.
But I had a sudden feeling of being totally overwhelmed when my doctor gave me the news that I was a diabetic not long ago. I sat down and howled, not because of the diabetes but I suppose because I felt it was another blow to my already battered body. The diabetes was not a complete surprise but as I had been fighting to make sure it didn't happen I was very disappointed. Many of the other health complaints, complications, effects on my body and subsequent medication has not done my cause any good.
Now before anyone comments I am not resigned to be ill the rest of my life nor am I accepting sickness as my lot. I believe God has healed all our diseases when his Son died for us, but I do know that the evidence of that healing may not always be apparent or the healing may not come straight away. I love that my christian friends can believe with me for my total healing and also understand why those who do not know God might find my attitude just a little strange.
At times however I must admit, I'm not perfect. Sometimes I have a pity party, sometimes I just break down and cry but most of the time I just get up and keep going because I don't have a choice. I can't quit on life or hope because I know that both are precious gifts from God, but some days are easier than others.
I have stood on prayer lines, prayed and fasted, learned all I could about healing and am open to whatever God wants to do. The problem often isn't me but other people (yes the Christians). They range from the 'don't even say the name of the illness because that means you have accepted it' to 'It's all a matter of faith dear, just believe and you will be healed, if not you don't have enough faith' or even the opposite 'we all have our crosses to bare'.
So what's a girl to do you may ask? Well she keeps going even when she falls down, she ignores ignorant comments, she makes the most of when she does feel well and listens to the encouragement that many of the people in my life give.
I am not a hyperchondriac although some may think so, nor am I a drama queen. In actual fact I don't think most people who know me realise how really sick I am but it doesn't matter anyway as God knows me, He looks after me, He is with me whatever I face. He doesn't want me sick I know that, He doesn't make me sick to learn something I know that too and as to why? I don't know, I've researched theological texts, done healing schools and have seen people healed by God as I have layed my hands on them. I know God heals! As for me I am a child of God who has every right to claim my healing and expect it. I continue to do so regardless of what people think or say.
I am healed through the stripes Christ bore for my diseases, just as surely as I am saved by His death on the cross. Nothing will ever make me believe otherwise.
So if I look down sometimes or am having a day where I need to talk things through don't be fooled I am not beaten, just gathering my boldness and strength to take on whatever Satan throws at me. The good news is I win, in the end I know I win and my body will be whole and without blemish in Heaven.
