Sometimes someone says something to you and you are so gobsmacked you don't know what to say. This happened to me the other day when a friend* told me my husband was a heretic. I mean just what can you say to a statement like that? I did ask why, but the answer was vague and not very specific saying they had investigated it thoroughly but had thrown away the evidence as they didn't want to cause a fuss! Even if I hadn't been struck dumb what could I have said anyway. "No he isn't" I mean there just isn't anything that would be adequate.
On the other hand I have said things I wish I hadn't or rather written emails I wish I hadn't. You know the sort of reaction to something that is really bugging you but then after some time you have a different perspective but can't take the email back.
I must admit I take things far too personally. I am overly emotional and although I'm much better than I used to be I still get upset when I know I shouldn't.
There's no use hiding it, I am very unsure of myself, not very confident in fact despite the fact that I know that I am more than capable in most areas of my life, that nagging doubt follows me around like an unwanted dog.
This poses problems when dealing with others who don't know me or don't know me very well. I am a talker and enjoy talking through problems or issues until we reach mutual understanding. I often ask those around me if I suspect there is a problem 'Have I done something to offend you', often it works as an ice breaker in a difficult circumstance but sometimes they look at me as if I've gone mad.
Getting to know people even new members of the family is very difficult when we live so far apart. The time we do spend together is so rushed and intense and often packed into a only a few days that long chats are just not possible.
So what is the answer, to speak or not to speak? I guess that is where wisdom comes in.
My prayer for 2012 is for wisdom, for the insight to know what the person is speaking out of: hurt, insecurity, personal experience, a bad day etc. There is no other way than to be led by the Holy Spirit.
So that is one of my goals for the year, to incline my ear to the Spirit and take his lead. Then I will hopefully have the right thing to say or just keep my mouth shut!
What would you have said to the heretic allegation?
